This story is part of our Civil Wrongs series in collaboration with the Institute for Public Service Reporting.
Dwania Kyles is teaching me to breath through my belly. We start with an exhalation. She counts the air back into my lungs.
"Where did you feel it, mostly, when you were breathing?" she asks. Even without her glasses on, she can see I'm a chest breather.
As a personal wellness coach, Kyles says deep breathing has a number of benefits. Studies show it can help reduce stress, anxiety, blood pressure, and heart rate.
It can also be used as part of a healing process — one that she, herself, has undertaken.
In 1961, Dwania Kyles was among the first group of 13 Black children to integrate Memphis’ public school system. Over the years, Kyles realized that experience was both the root of her suppressed anger and her journey toward wellness.
"It's about: How do I respond to the external world and allow it to affect my internal world," Kyles said.
Years ago, while pursuing an acting career, her own roots started showing. Directors asked her at auditions if she had considered getting a nose job. And, could she “act more Black” for a part?
"The first time they said that to me, you know, I glitched," Kyles said. "But they didn't care what they said to you."
She realized her internal response to these racist questions went back to experiences as a child.
"I didn't really know I was traumatized at that time or how traumatized," she said. "That's how great of a job my parents did with us. But I had really suppressed a lot."
Kyles said her first day at Bruce Elementary, in 1961, was that of a typical five-year-old.
"I wasn't so much bothered about the fact that it wasn't a bunch of other kids that looked like me," said Kyles. "I was more concerned about the fact that I wasn't used to being left with other people."
Later, she caught on to the social issues playing out. Some of her classmates, prompted by older siblings, began to ostracize her. Or make racist comments.
It was extremely traumatic," she said. "If older girls were in the bathroom, I couldn't even pee because they wanted to see my tail."
After becoming a wellness coach, Kyles applied some of her newfound knowledge to her own racial traumas. Deep breathing was part of it.
"It has allowed me to connect with me more," Kyles said. "And for me to understand the role that love plays in healing. And it has helped me to choose joy. It has helped me to be in moments where people say things and I could cut them to the quick, which is what I used to do because of the anger of what I had gone through."
She’s still doing the work. Six decades after Memphis’ first integrated school day, she and others have started the Memphis 13 Foundation. It offers a curriculum for students to learn their story, and professional development workshops for teachers.
"At some point we have to start dealing with 'why.' Why is our humanity stuck in this place?" she asked. "Because we won't feed it love. That is the nutrient that it needs."
For Kyles, healing is an ongoing process. One of constant discovery and work. Lucky for us, it can start with just a single breath.
This story has been adapted from our ongoing podcast series Civil Wrongs.
